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Carpe DiemOctober 18 HaloThe lightening woke me up....in my dream …i was face to face with the halo..the god...the supreme...the ultimate soul...asking the same eternal question why....why this ? why that? are we lab rats to be experimented on ? why test our strength? our values? our courage? why...why differences...and then i was woken up by reality...the storm outside my window...but the upheaval inside me is never pacified..once in a while ...on a good day ...for a tiny moment u find peace and maybe realize part of d why...but then it gets lost ...the biggest challenge is then to fight the race not knowing why ....fighting without a cause ...fighting without a clue ..because all we can do is fight and somehow uncover the reasons ...yes it does make u feel alive ...i cant say if having the answers wud have made it better or not ..but i wonder ..will i ever find the answers ...or if there are any answers ...but at least if u have lived life without regrets ..doing ur best ..u can have the courage to ask ... the same things in life sometimes fill u up with life ...its strange ...old memories ...visions...pain...simple joys..love..fear...ya its looks like i am reaching this pt over and over again..but somehow i feel im making some progress ...if only incremental ...earlier i believed cos i chose to..in a more naive way..in a fairy kinda way ...today i believe...from somewhere within my core...i believe in god...i believe in fate...i believe in souls...i believe in soul mates...i believe in having the power to change everything ...change whatever physics allows u to ....but sometimes i still wonder will i ever melt gold...but does that matter….maybe i have been able to create a safe harbor inside me ...where i can go...every once in a while ...and believe..:) February 21 field of daffodilsWe cant control our emotions but we can control our actions …if we fought every time we got angry….if we cheated because we were betrayed ..if we gave up cos we were let down ..where would we be …happiness is not a byproduct of success …. Life is more complicated than bending rules ..manipulating ….coming first …for the world that we live in there is another world inside us …we have to be true to both to exist … if rules n societies controlled every action then u wouldn’t have had a mind of your own ..if end result was the only way to measure success then we wouldn’t have experienced joy watching the sun rise and set …if brutality and tricks got us everything then we wouldn’t have been born with a heart to love …don’t become incapacitated …. Everyday u have million of choices ..some will take u closer to where u want to be..some will take u far away from home…. Its never easy …it wasn’t supposed to be ..but then its this unpredictability ..this lack of control …and this freedom ..that u don’t get bored of life … if u were stuck in a game of AOE …if your life was just a presentation in front of a client …. If love was agreeing all the time … if strength was never crying …if courage was never agreeing to ur fault …if we were bigger than life …then we wudnt be here …u learn …and u can only hope u learn ur lessons well and that everyday u make a choice which brings u closer to ur field of daffodils …the finish line is always dusty … create ur own paths … make ur own fields .. February 10 is it really darkI love scrubs .... i love comedy ..but what moves u ... sienfeld? why do u like F.R.I.E.N.D.S...its human ties ...when life takes a wrong turn like it periodically will ..human ties ...when life takes a good turn ...also inevitable ...its human ties ...someone who will share ur good times n bad ...i dont like ppl falling on banana skins ...i dont find large round spectacles or frizzy hair funny ...i dont find frndship in going to a pub and checking another guy or girl and calling ur partner "looser" charming ... so maybe thats why i do like dark side of life more appealing ..not cos im sadist and that things are not right with me ...its perfect ..cos its more real ...its what makes me believe ..why i respect life and humans ...when ur 10 and ur feeling low in confidence and ur dad squeezes ur hand and u feel u can beat the world ..when u feel ugly and ur mum says ur the prettiest girl in the whole world ...when u dont feel too intelligent and ur brother says ull crack the exam and he will buy u BMW when he gets a job ...when ur relation sucks and ur g.f tells u it will work out ....is it really dark ... no ...its only when its dark that u see the brightest light ...so if i hate sunny days n like rainy days ...dont call me weird ..i just like sipping hot chocolate more romantic than staring at bikini clad women ...smiles are more real than laughs ...cos smile stays where as the jokes ...jokes they fade away .... January 18 my lordit was taking to long ..the game was held on ...it poured for 332 days and im still drowned 5 feet down ...streched the string till it broke ....the song, well it was turned off ...its dark like hell and sometimes it pains too much ...but nah i dont drag behind my shadow ...i try to run ...i dont wish to talk ...it doesnt help ..the people u call frnds pat on back and head for the nearest bar...can u read my face ...do u know im heading which way ...i wanna go home and i wanna stay ...i am running away from my angels and the devils are also here to stay...makes me scream and makes me smile ....it still is hard to say goodbye ...the summer is gone and the winter is far away ...sometimes it moves so fast and sometimes it never stops...burn the house ...no body ever stays ...the curls always roll down ...when i cant see ...the good lord wipes my tears ...takes away my fear ...and next day somebody shoots me ...cant blame i wasnt prepared when they take me.. December 15 faceWear it like a badge Every scar that’s burned on your brazen face Yes your human face You will take your fair share Of the holy grail Perfected by the burn inside Every tear that carved your face When u stand by the lord He will show his face A reflection of your own disgrace So stand here still When the wind whispers death He shall not fail you For every blow that thrown your way Yes there is a scar on his grace what wasBuried under …. Its been the worst year of my life … every time it goes a little more worse, I just I try to shake it off …every morning I hate looking at the mirror …the cause and the effect ….no sunsets …only sweaty nights and dreary days …no I am no complaining ….but just try going under water when u don’t know how to swim …imagine liking it …imagine looking in amazement at what u were missing ..then imagine choking … and when ur body gives up and u start to sink down .. try smiling … the tear drop that falls on the water bed will shine crazy ..save it …cos it will be ur only jewel ..And yes I know ..in the end they say it doesn’t matter …beautiful dreams that u stopped chasing …endless nights that u stopped sleeping in … melting snow ….and ur skin melting away with … when u stop responding …. And the smile just freezes on ur lips …when the nothing ever reaches ur heart .....funny business …in the end u still like it … :) November 25 winter chillThough it spins a lil faster
minefield spread
to give me my final blow
i still believe
one day i will wake up
to the blue sky i was born in
with enough time to listen
to my head phones
playing my favourite tune
the winter chills running thru the spine
wont somebody take me home
one good cup of coffee
that will wake me up from this horrible dream
again an empty street
with the same shops in line
snow and fresh air
wipe the mist from
the window of my home |
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